Something I stumbled upon recently is the lie that if I bring what I’m feeling to God, I won’t be allowed to feel it.
And I’m discovering this is something I learned as a very young child, and it’s something God wants to heal.
I experienced impatience and rejection of my emotions – resulting in a deep sense of emotional abandonment. I’ve carried it all my life and it’s shown itself in relationships since. I believe my emotions will be a point of rejection for me.
And there’s many other things that go along with it, but today I’ll focus on the main point – deep down I believe that I bring a feeling to God, I won’t be allowed to feel it.
This is a lie because God has all the time and attention in the world for us. He loves us tenderly like a mother. He knows there’s parts of us that simply do not want to be rationalized with, and He knows true healing doesn’t happen in nastiness.
He knows healing takes time, and He knows the big, deep emotions like that of a child simply need to come out. They do not want to be intellectualized as to why they are there, and shut in amidst their outward expression.
God waits on us. He watches us. He wipes away every tear. He holds us. He consoles us. He waits for us to feel better. He calms the spirit within us, most often with His gentle silence.
He has brought me here that I might rest, so it is rest I will have.
And sometimes it’s not, “why am I crying? There’s no reason I should be feeling this,” but that it is a safe moment for you to feel it. God has given you the time, space, and safety to feel it, so dare to let it rise to the surface. God is waiting with open arms.
…
Yesterday I was listening to Post Malone and God spoke His love to me by inspiring me to change the lyrics to “Laugh It Off” – I love the melody and raw emotion, but the lyrics are sad.
So here’s my version:
When I was lyin’ down on the floor
You said I should talk more
Why feel it alone?
Pretend I didn’t hear Your voice
But, God, I was feeling hard
Blind to Your light
Hey, You say You love me
Ha-ha-ha, I laugh it off
Your mind is made and I can’t change it
Someho-ho-how
Haven’t heard Your voice in a month
So it’s all cloudy
I forgot how to pray
It feels like heaven is a world away
Took my rosary beads and flushed them down the drain
Now, okay, okay, I’m lyin’
Mm, hey, You say You love me
Ha-ha-how? I tune You out
Your mind is made, You’re coming for me
Someho-ho-how, You took the Cross
And if I learned anything at all
You’re really there
Talk to me, I know it’s easy
I’ll listen like I did before
Hey, You say You love me
Ha-ha-ha, I laughed it off
When I forget, like I have lately
Someho-ho-how, please remind me
And if I learned anything at all
You’re really there, You’re always there
And if I learned anything at all
You want my heart, You’ve come to save me
Ooh-ooh
Oh
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
…
Abba Father, this is the lie I have come to believe about You and our relationship. What is truth You want to exchange for this lie?