September 24 – Laugh It Off

Something I stumbled upon recently is the lie that if I bring what I’m feeling to God, I won’t be allowed to feel it.

And I’m discovering this is something I learned as a very young child, and it’s something God wants to heal.

I experienced impatience and rejection of my emotions – resulting in a deep sense of emotional abandonment. I’ve carried it all my life and it’s shown itself in relationships since. I believe my emotions will be a point of rejection for me.

And there’s many other things that go along with it, but today I’ll focus on the main point – deep down I believe that I bring a feeling to God, I won’t be allowed to feel it.

This is a lie because God has all the time and attention in the world for us. He loves us tenderly like a mother. He knows there’s parts of us that simply do not want to be rationalized with, and He knows true healing doesn’t happen in nastiness.

He knows healing takes time, and He knows the big, deep emotions like that of a child simply need to come out. They do not want to be intellectualized as to why they are there, and shut in amidst their outward expression.

God waits on us. He watches us. He wipes away every tear. He holds us. He consoles us. He waits for us to feel better. He calms the spirit within us, most often with His gentle silence.

He has brought me here that I might rest, so it is rest I will have.

And sometimes it’s not, “why am I crying? There’s no reason I should be feeling this,” but that it is a safe moment for you to feel it. God has given you the time, space, and safety to feel it, so dare to let it rise to the surface. God is waiting with open arms.

Yesterday I was listening to Post Malone and God spoke His love to me by inspiring me to change the lyrics to “Laugh It Off” – I love the melody and raw emotion, but the lyrics are sad.

So here’s my version:

When I was lyin’ down on the floor

You said I should talk more

Why feel it alone?

Pretend I didn’t hear Your voice

But, God, I was feeling hard

Blind to Your light

Hey, You say You love me

Ha-ha-ha, I laugh it off

Your mind is made and I can’t change it 

Someho-ho-how

Haven’t heard Your voice in a month

So it’s all cloudy

I forgot how to pray

It feels like heaven is a world away

Took my rosary beads and flushed them down the drain

Now, okay, okay, I’m lyin’

Mm, hey, You say You love me

Ha-ha-how? I tune You out

Your mind is made, You’re coming for me

Someho-ho-how, You took the Cross

And if I learned anything at all

You’re really there

Talk to me, I know it’s easy

I’ll listen like I did before

Hey, You say You love me

Ha-ha-ha, I laughed it off

When I forget, like I have lately

Someho-ho-how, please remind me

And if I learned anything at all

You’re really there, You’re always there

And if I learned anything at all

You want my heart, You’ve come to save me

Ooh-ooh

Oh

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

Abba Father, this is the lie I have come to believe about You and our relationship. What is truth You want to exchange for this lie?

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